Saturday morning silence

It’s Saturday and the boys left to go eat at IHOP..

I haven’t blogged in some time..I’ve been really depressed and anxiety has been running a muck. I saw my doc. That switched my meds to Lexapro and kolonapin.. I’m reluctant to take the Lexapro I do not do well on ssri. So I will wait to see what my therapist and shrink have to say…I really liked my buspro..and am sad to leave it behind.

Today I have a bit more anxiety..I have a bridal shower to attend and not looking forward to it, but I’m sure it will be fine.

My sleep is all out of wack and that sends me into panic mode..my blood pressure and pulse have been pretty high. I’m loosing hope that I will ever feel better..this leaves me sad and scared. I just want to feel like me again. Being trapped in a body you have no control over is frightening. I no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel.

How did I get here? How did this become my life? This is so out of character for me.. I’m such a free spirit..no worries! Now I’m full of worry and stress..will I ever be normal again?

I’m brave.. I know I am..I have shared my story and seeking help to fix my self. But am I doing enough?

If my child and partner cause my anxiety..what kind of life is this? Is the answer to leave or to just seek medical treatment..I love my life, but my life is killing me.

I never saw my life as married or with children.. I saw my life a working, self reliant human..now I’m a house wife with a baby..not something I planned..but something I love!!!

We also have dreams, but those dreams don’t always come true.. God has bigger plans for us and we must roll with his plans. I believe in God’s plan and I will alow him to take the wheel and direct me in the path I need to be.

Happy Saturday..I won’t let anxiety win today..I will nip it in the butt.

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