Anxiety..you are here, living in my life..taking over every aspect of my life, my thoughts, my memory, my future, my safe places, my home, my dreams and my motherhood..
You, anxiety, are destroying my life! I don’t understand you and I want you to not exist in my life..how did you get here? How did you find your way into my soul? When are you packing your bags and leaving?
You are misunderstood and an irrational brat! You need to go on your way now..time to leave me alone and let me live a decent life again.
You stole moments from me that I will never get back..I’m getting tired now..the fight is wearing me down. I fight every single day with you. Like I’m Ronda Rousey..fighting the ufc fight of my life..except I’m not fighting for the belt…I’m fighting for my sanity. You do not fight fair..where is the rule book on this fight..should I tap out..or should I wipe the sweat from my brows and go another round.?
My mind says tap out..this can’t be won..my heart says go a few more rounds..you can beat her.
Today’s not a day for a fight.. not tomorrow or the 25th or the 4th of March. Those are important days..I know anxiety will be headlocking me though..will I have the strength to battle you on these stressful days..probably not.
I will most likely be tapping out soon..I need these days to just go smooth..I will probably end up in the hospital. That’s ok..I’ll be ok.I’m afraid my blood pressure will kill me. I usually have very low blood pressure. But it’s been very high these past couple of weeks. My head hurts really bad. Last thing I want to do is load Colin in the car, to make another drive to Walmart for asprin.
This will be the last blog I post to Facebook..if you would like to continue reading my blog..and reading my progress and life stories.. just follow my blog through your email..it’s that simple. I just do not want to post to Facebook anymore..
Have a great Monday..enjoy the beautiful weather..I’m doing house chores and phone calls..then taking my baby to ride his bike..next year we plan to put him on a dirt bike..I see him doing really well..he’s a wild boy and I see something like extreme sports or baseball, football really taking a big place in his life..time will tell..my mom says sports “baseball” is in his genes..they have a compulsive behavior for children and sports. Colin can do as he pleases..he will be allowed to try and continue or quit..regardless of his ability or inability to thrive at one exact sport..we will not pressure and it will not become our life..life is bigger than a sport. If you allow yourself to get wrapped up in your child’s abilities to thrive in one specific thing..you can end up raising a shit head that believes they are better than anyone.. they will become, rude, dishonest and manipulative..no one likes that person..probably like Tom Brady..he’s a brat..he’s great and he knows it and let’s everyone know it..yuck. be humble you little brat. Atleast he found his perfect match, a woman just as perfectly humble as he. Haha