Anerexic

So everyone knows I’ve always been a small person.not as a child under ten, but as a teenager and adult..I was very small!

I remember a time when I had been kicked out of my family home and lived with a friend..her mom would care for me..for almost a year..that is when I fell into anorexia..I had no control over my life except my weight..I would calorie restrict..I weighed in around 100 pounds. One day calorie restricted diet became too hard..this is when diet pills went huge onto the market.. they were legal and every store carried these powerful pills..you could eat 10 burgers and not gain a pound!!

Those pills helped my anorexia take full swing..I would never weigh more than a whopping 95 pounds..I was a walking skeleton.

I have no idea why that was so great to me..but I had control.

I became so ill..I had hypoglycemia, bad veins and massive headaches..I saw millions of doctors and explore surgery into my veins.. the doctors would say,  you must gain weight..haha yeah right!!

When they took the diet pills off the market..I would panic..but I still remained extremely small..

I did over come anorexia..even though it lives deep within me. I love food and weight doesn’t nag at me anymore..I weigh 135 which is huge for me to say, but I speak to my doctors and they tell me.. honey, you are on the smaller scale of america..hmm doesn’t feel that way.

When I became pregnant the doctors allowed me to gain between 45 to 60 pounds.. that is much, much more than the average person.. I thought, no way..that’s crazy..I want to gain 5! Hahaha.. Colin had me eating pizza every hour.. I think the pizza guy knows my name.

Anerexic lives with you forever..kinda like anxiety..but anerexia was an easy battle to win over, than the bitch anxiety.. anorexia was a cake walk!!

Anorexia made me very, very sick..I would get kidney stones.. tingly hand and feet and other odd health issues..I was very sick..all the time.

I’m glad I’m better now.. even though I’m hard on myself. But I’m beautiful and healthy..and I have no more health risks.. except lame anxiety.. go away anxiety..no one loves you!!

OK, so that secret has been swept clean..I feel better.

This Anorexia story could go on forever..but you get the point.

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7 thoughts on “Anerexic

  1. I also have an eating disorder… you hit the nail on the head when you said it gave you a sense of control. It’s quite common for people with anxiety or any other mental health issue to need some sense of control over their lives. I’m glad you have overcome it. I’m wondering what strategies you are using to help with anxiety? No need to share, but just want you to know I understand what it’s like. Love and strength to you ❤

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  2. I relate to you really deeply. I got so skinny that I my heart was stopping and I weighed 68 pounds which was my lowest weight. I almost died and was almost put right into hospice but they decided to put me straight into the mental hospital and I bounced in and our of the mental hospital three times. Hang in there xx

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    1. I’m good now. I haven’t been sick like that in over 10 years.burt that you. I’m just battling anxiety and panic disorder..which is caused from my partner. I would leave him, but I don’t want to,I love him and just need therapy and medication, until I find a way to handle the verbal and emotional abuse, well not abuse..but his behavior issues. Thank you, I’m glad you are better

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I can relate to anxiety disorders too, I have misophonia which makes it almost impossible to get through the day without a panic attack. I’m not better either, I’m actually a lot worse now. :/

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