Finding hope

My blog has kind of slowed down..not because I dont have things to say, but because I’ve not been feeling very well.

I did go see my doctor that increased my medication..which has seemed to help..the only down fall is that I have a lot of pent up energy..that makes my sleep kinda outa wack, but I know that feeling will die down soon.

As much as I hate medication, I know I truly need it..it makes me much more tolerant. And therapy has worked wonders. If anyone has any bad thoughts on therapy, you clearly have not met the most incredible one. He is helping me find my triggers..as much as that sucks..to find out some of your triggers are suppose to be your most loved places. But it’s helping me look at things differently and not fear my feelings.

We have a lot going on in our life…buying a 250,000. Business a child that is way more than your average child and a lot of stress. I know in a few months my anxiety more than most likely will be very high, but I’m hopeful when things slow down and our business goes into full swing..my anxiety will even out… that’s my hope..I’m hopeful it will not get any worse.

I wake up each morning and say..today I choose to feel well.it doesn’t always work, but sometimes it takes the edge off.

I find myself becoming frustrated with my highly rambunctious child.. and that makes me sad.. I just really want a break. My best friend suggested I go stay at a cheap hotel for time away.. we both laughed…my partner is frugal and would never allow money to be spent that way.. plus he thinks I have a cake walk for a life..he clearly has never been a mother.

It’s kinda black and white..my home is my trigger..my child and partner are my triggers.. but that makes it not so black and white.. they are my family, and I have to fight to feel feel better so I can live in this life..with them. Or I’m afraid I will have to move out and find a calm home. And that’s just not an option I want.. so I’ll find other things to fix me..breaks, time outs and standing up for my healthy calm.. no matter what my partners disbelief in this disease is..I must take care of me..or I will end up dead, or in a mental institution..and those are not ok options for me..I must find relief!! And I will search the end  of the earth to make it possible.

 

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