Anxiety downer

I haven’t felt like blogging lately..I’ve not been feeling the best, anxiety kinda took over my thoughts and body..in fact it was so bad I had to go to the hospital yesterday..my blood pressure was 181/160..that’s insane.. it took 3 times the medication to get me back down. When weeks like this happen I get really sad..like I will never feel better. The anxiety comes in the early morning and in the evening..I haven’t slept in 5 days and I feel like I’m going insane. I wonder what I’m doing wrong. I’m doing everything my therapist and doctors tell me.

So, I go to therapy today and then after I go see my doctor.. Maybe it’s time to move the meds around again..

I’m exhausted, my muscles and bones hurt..and the pain in my head from my blood pressure is unreal. Some days I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. And it gets me really depressed.

I wish there was a surgery that could remove what ever part of my brain that is causing this.

Every morning I wake up and tell myseelf..today’s going to be a good day..and I believe what I’m telling myself, but it’s always the same Rollercoaster..I can’t live through these anxiety and panic attacks anymore.. they are literally killing me. And they are starting to get worse..shouldn’t they be getting better? And when you talk to anyone about anxiety..they either have no clue about it or believe they know so much.. oh really, do you have panic attacks so bad that send you to the hospital? Or on meds that do not work after 90 days..or have you been so out of control you’ve thought about loading your car down with the little things you own and drive off, just so you can go live in a hole where no one can bother you..I bet not.

Anxiety is so strange. I find myself so emotional all the time.

We went to lake skinner this past weekend and road our bikes..that made me feel good, but the second we go into the car to go home, I was sick with anxiety..could it be my home is a trigger..taking care of my son, taking care of the house..I’m starting to kinda feel like my life is what’s causing my trouble.

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